So I have some problems with automatic toilets.
And yes, I’m talking about toilets on a food blog.
I’m a rebel.
Anyhow, let’s get this straight. Automatic toilets are supposed to be the sanitary no-hand alternative to flushing, right? But what actually triggers them to flush? I could never figure it out. Is it wiggling? Is it jumping up and down? Is it breathing loudly?? Does it have nothing to do with me and does the toilet just flush whenever the heck it wants? I honestly have no clue.
Let’s talk about some of the automatic toilets at my school.
So imagine you finally manage to cram yourself and your backpack and your gigantic bag of food into the tiny bathroom stall at my school and are left wondering how you would ever have fit in there if you were any fatter. Now you proceed to sit on the toilet very causiously as not to signal it to flush one way or another. But, somehow, as you calmly take your seat it flushes as a greeting. Ok, you think, now I’m going to sit entirely still and the toilet will shut up. So there you sit, as immobile as possible, when suddenly the toilet lets out a belch and flushes once more.
“Alright,” you tell the toilet, “You need to stop. What on earth makes you think I WANT you to flush?”
In response, the toilet…flushes again. Frustrated, you finally finish with that damn toilet and get up. Calmly, you stand up and wait for the toilet to flush appropriately. And would you believe it, in utter mockery of you, the toilet water forms not a single ripple.
The toilet also happens to be one of those annoying ones that has NO handle and NO button for a manual flush, only the little automatic chip thing you wave your hand in front of. You eye the waivy thing suspiciously.
You dance in front of the waivy thing.
You scream and cry in front of the waivy thing.
Finally, in despair, you give up and cram your way back out of the bathroom stall. As you begin to wash your hands, far away from the unresponsive toilet, you hear it menacingly say,
“*fluuuusshhhhh* heh heh….loser.”
You curl up and cry.
Someone tell me though, WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN??
Maybe we should go back to our prehistoric roots, pee in holes in the ground, and stop worrying about toilets with attitudes.
While I don’t know the solution to the “toilets with attitudes” problem, I know a delightful, coffee/chocoaltey, bite-sized solution to many, many other problems. This recipe is one of my absolute favorites. In fact, it’s SOOO good that above the notes I was taking while creating this recipe, my sister wrote “Magic Balls of Beauty” and I proceeded to seriously question her poetic judgement. But anyway, they’re good. Make some. Be popular.
You’ll consume the batch faster than it takes you to say the name.
Coffee Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Truffles
Makes about 15 truffles (give or take some prematurely consumed dough)
1 1/2 cups blanched almond flour
1/4 cup maple syrup
2 Tablespoons of coconut oil, melted
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 teaspoons ground coffee
1/4 cup chopped dark chocolate/mini chocolate chips (I used 100%)
Additional 4-6 oz dark chocolate (I used 100%)
Optional: coffee grounds, coconut shreds, salt, etc to sprinkle on top
- Combine all the cookie dough ingredients ina large bowl and mix until even throughout. Should result in a sticky moldable texture.
- Melt the additional 4-6 oz chocolate in a double boiler (for coating)
- While chocolate is melting, form the cookie dough in 1in balls (lightly wet hands if dough is too sticky)
- Place cookie dough ball gently on a fork and immerse in melted chocolate, allow for excess chocolate to drip off, and place truffle on parchment-lined sheet. Repeat for all cookie dough balls.
- Optional: sprinkle truffles with desired topping
- Refrigerate for 3-4 hours, or until set.
- Revel in the deliciousness that your hands have created.