Chocolate Coffee Ganache Tart (Paleo, Nut-free, Low carb)

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HI PEOPLE CAN YOU HEAR ME FROM UNDER THIS PILE OF SCHOOLWORK I SWEAR I’M STILL ALIVE.

But that’s not the point here. The point here is to forget about the fact that finals are in 2 weeks. The point here is to talk about completely useless and unrelated things. As usual.

Today’s topic: DATING!!  How to date efficiently. How to date successfully. How to avoid losers. (For the record, the majority of my personal dating experience can be summed up in the phrase “let’s study together” but I think I can still offer valuable information.)

POINT A: How to keep conversation alive

Ask questions! It’s easy to run out of generic questions like “Are you a nice person?” or “Do your parents like each other?”Next time, maybe try more insightful things like, “What’s your favorite tree?” or “What are your thoughts on kumquats?” or “If tulips had a voice, what kind of voice would they have?” Much more productive.

POINT B: How to easily identify the losers

I find the question, “What’s your spirit food?” to be very revealing about the person. For example, Lettuce people are boring but like to fit in. They’re likely to have weak personalities but always seem to be hanging around. No thank you. Potato people are better but similar. They are generally liked by many and go well with everyone and everything but don’t look very good naked. Mehh. However, Chocolate people get along with nearly everyone, enhance the very atmosphere of the room, look amazing with anything on, and even better naked. Bring me the chocolate people.

POINT C: How to back out of unfortunate situations 

So, you accidentally end up on a dinner date with someone who is obnoxious, boring, and seems to be growing uglier by the second? Don’t just stand up an walk away! That would be so unproductive, and you’d get nothing out of it. Before you leave your stunned date who is so full of themselves that they’re still wondering what they did wrong, make sure you take all your food and their food. A neat trick is to carry disposable food containers in your bag for collection purposes in case this situation ever arises. They’d have to pay, of course.

And finally,

POINT D: How to make sure they like you (if they’re worth it)

Easy: Bake for them. You’re currently on a food blog damn it– it’s not that difficult to find some inspiration. Trust me, food works every time.

At least, it sure does work on me ❤ ❤

__________________________________________

Chocolate coffee usually is a good answer to Point D above, be it for “just friends” or otherwise. I get it, my last post was chocolate-coffee-themed, but I’m kind of digging it so here’s another one. This recipe is pure happiness and friend-approved many, many times. You can use any sort of pre-baked crust, but I’m including a simple coconut flour-based recipe.

Chocolate Coffee Ganache Tart

Makes 1 tart

Ingredients:

Crust (can substitute any pre-baked pie crust):

(adapted from thecoconutmama.com)

2 eggs

1/2 cup grass-fed butter (melted

3/4 cup coconut flour

6 Tablespoons maple syrup (1/4 cup + 2 Tblsp.)

1/4 teaspoon salt

1/4 teaspoon cinnamon

Filling (here’s where the magic happens):

4 oz 100% cacao bakers chocolate

1/2 cup maple syrup

6 Tablespoons coconut milk (1/4 cup + 2 Tblsp.)

1/4 teaspoon salt

2 teaspoons ground coffee

Directions: 

Crust:

  1. Preheat oven to 400 deg F
  2. Combine all Crust  ingredients in a large bowl and mix until smooth.
  3. Press dough evenly over a circular 9″ tart pan OR a rectangular 5″ X 14″(ish)  tart pan. (easiest to do with lightly damp fingers)
  4. Poke holes in the crust base with a fork
  5. Bake for 10-12 minutes, or until the crust edges are browned.
  6. Cool

Filling/Assembly:

  1. Melt the chocolate, maple syrup and coconut milk in a double boiler, stirring intermittently until smooth.
  2. Add the salt and ground coffee to the melted chocolate and mix until even.
  3. Pour the ganache into the cooled pie crust and smooth evenly.
  4. Refrigerate the tart for about 2 hours, or until set (can keep in the fridge for up to about 5 days)
  5. Optional: Top with caramel, coconut, or decoration of choice.
  6. Enjoy!! Remember to share!!
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